On Saturday 17 April, my life suddenly made sense again... Jeremy Alexander was born safely into my arms, screaming and healthy.
But let's back up a bit: as you all know, I was diagnosed with intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy at 35 weeks. This condition is what caused one of my friends' sweet baby boys to be born into Heaven. I was determined to monitor this very closely. Two days after my initial blood test, I went back on my own initiative to have another one taken. I didn't even tell my OB about it :-) The same evening (Friday), I was admitted to L&D for strong contractions every 20 min. My wonderful, dedicated, patient doctor had me stay overnight because I was worried and in his own words, he has learned that a mother's instincts are always right. In the morning of the 17th, he came in to see me and the contractions were gone. He said he would be back in the afternoon to sign my discharge form. He came back at 2pm, with a concerned look on his face: my "secret" blood test had come back and my acid levels had doubled in just 2 days. Jeremy had a 50/50 chance of making it to term, and no one was willing to risk it. I was immediately scheduled for a c-section even though the Bean was only 36w2d.
I called hubby, who was on his way to pick me up from the clinic, and told him that our baby was coming NOW. I think he had quite a few speeding tickets on his way to the hospital! I spent the next 1h30 with the doppler on my belly, being prepped for surgery. It was so surreal... I knew the Bean's lungs were at risk of not being mature enough, but since I had had two round of steroid shots during the pregnancy, it was most likely be ok. Walking into the OR, with the same anesthetist who was there for my stitch, with my husband by my side and my baby about to come was an incredible feeling. As I was laying on the table, I started crying uncontrollably because I was missing the twins so much. I think that I was getting the last crumbs of intense grief out, to be ready to fully welcome this new baby...
At 4.10pm, the silence in the OR was suddenly broken by the cry of a baby. I had never heard it and it was a complete, yet wonderful shock. The sheet in front of me was lowered and there was my baby boy! I think the image of this little man, screaming, kicking his legs, is going to be engraved in my memory for ever.
For the funny anecdote, my first comment was "he's tiny!" (5.4lbs) and my OB said "yes, but he's got a big willy! that's all that counts". Try laughing with a spinal and my belly opened... I love that man. If it wasn't for his dedication and his immense trust in maternal instincts, Jeremy might have never been born alive. Which is why our son's middle name is my OB's first name.
Hubby cut the umbilical cord, and then they put the baby on my chest for 10 minutes. It was the most amazing feeling. Even with a c-section, it was a wonderful experience. Great music playing on the iPod dock station, my arms were free, the anesthetist was taking the pictures so that hubby could focus on his newborn son, I could hold him and stroke him. He wasn't whisked away to a NICU. It was perfect.
While I was being stitched up, hubby went to the nursery with the pediatrician to check that everything was ok. I remember laying on the table, a bit dizzy, feeling like I was floating, and I kept telling my doctor:"Alex, seriously, thank you for everything". I was crying so much and I kept repeating "thank you, thank you, thank you." I was saying it to my sweet little angels O. and B., I was saying it to the world, to the cosmos, to God with whom I have finally made peace, to all the people that supported me during this pregnancy, to life, to destiny, to everything I could think of.
When I was wheeled back to my room, J. was still not there and I panicked a bit. I thought he was having trouble and the nurse was being a bit too cheerful for my taste! You know the tone that medical people take when something might be wrong but they don't want to worry you? That one. But it seems that everything was fine, and exactly 1h20 min after being born, J. was placed on my chest where he immediately started feeding! He stayed there for about 10 hours (I'm not kidding), because it's been proven that skin-to-skin contact is extremely beneficial for preemies. It was the shortest 10 hours of my life...
The rest is too crazy to write in just one entry. Suffice to say that J. is home, he is gorgeous, he is perfect, even when he wants to eat for 2h at 3am!
This baby saved my life. He is the light at the end of the tunnel. He turned darkness into light, death into life, sorrow into joy, despair into hope. They don't call them "rainbow" for nothing... O. and B. will always be our babies, they will always take a huge place in our hearts and in our lives. They are our guardian angels, a soft glow in our lives that will never go away. We have three children now, and it feels wonderful. I am so grateful to each one of you and to life in general. Miracles do happen, life does happen. I've got a baby to show for it
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