29 weeks

Busy busy week. Tuesday, I had to go to the hospital to get the steroid shots to mature the Bean's lungs, just in case I go into labor early. These shots have to be taken 12h apart, so after my first shot in the morning and a few hours on my dear couch, hubby and I decided that enough was enough and that we deserved some real couple time. Before going back to the hospital, we treated ourselves to the amazing Avatar 3D movie and some popcorn. I didn't run around, I didn't walk more than needed but man it felt good to go out with my husband!

But by the time we got back to the hospital, the Bean hadn't moved in a very long time, which is very unusual. Especially given all the brownies, popcorn and soda I had had. I immediately went into panic mode but I was trying to control myself. I told the nurse that I hadn't felt any movement for more than two hours, hoping that she had a doppler somewhere in her pockets (don't all nurses do?). She paged my OB, who told me to come straight up to labor and delivery ward to get monitored. By then, there was no more controlling my panic. I nearly fainted in the lift - I couldn't bear the thought of losing another baby and I was a total mess. We were ushered into a delivery room with a midwife. I laid on the table and she strapped the monitor to my belly. 2 minutes of utter silence. According to hubby, I turned a greenish white. All the while she was looking for the heartbeat, the midwife was asking me STUPID questions about the twins! She didn't even say "sorry for your loss" or anything like that. She saw my c-section scar and asked what it was. I was like, what do you think it is?! Then she asked me why I hadn't delivered the twins naturally, even though she knew I had a stitch in. I told her they had done an emergency c-section and all she had to say was:"but why? I mean, at 25 weeks, it's not worth trying to save them". I took all I had not to punch her in the face.

Anyways...coming back to the current baby. Finally, there was a heartbeat! And lots of kicks, but I couldn't feel any of them. We could hear them on the monitor, but my belly was still. Blood came back to my face and I was all shaky. I was monitored for about 1h, after which Dr. G. came to see me. According to him, the Bean has turned towards my back and since I have an anterior placenta, it's no surprise I couldn't feel anything. Phew!

Thursday was my regular check-up (3.5cm, thank you very much) and since it was Cheating On Bedrest Week, I went to my friend's baby shower. I was so much fun! The only problem is that I am really not accustomed to seeing more than 2-3 people at the same time anymore. I didn't know where to look, who to talk to or what to do! Prolonged periods of bedrest have apparently turned me into a socially inept woman. I wish I could've stayed longer and worked on my social skills but I felt so guilty being away from my couch that I quickly got a taxi back home. Then I decided that this coming week, I would do penance for having been such bad bedridden Mommy: I am not going to leave my couch for anything else than sleeping and bathroom trips! I really won't. Strict bedrest, like in the old days. Ugh.

Third trimester, here I come!

Ha! I made it! I am now officially in my third trimester of pregnancy, a stage I've never reached before. It feels totally exhilarating, even if all the books, friends and websites say it's the most uncomfortable time of a pregnancy. But to me, it's a small victory and I'm looking forward to these 10 last weeks of uncomfort.

My 28 weeks check-up yesterday showed the same amazing cervix holding firm at nearly 4cm, which for someone who was born with a 3cm cervix is completely unbelievable. The Bean is also doing very well, spending its days hiccuping (which I am told by Dr. G. that it's a very healthy sign) and is now 1.2kg (2 lbs 6 oz). That's more than double the weight of my little girl. If the Bean were born now - but I'm working on that not happening - its chances of survival are 96%. The risks of long-term damages are still pretty high, which is why my beloved Dr. G. is going to give me the lung maturation steroid shots next weeks. Just in case. Last year, all my doctors at the hospital were all desperately waiting for me ot reach 24 weeks so they could give me these shots, and the last one was given to me while I was in labor. It's such a weird feeling to hear my OB tell me that it's only a precaution and that he doesn't think I'll go in preterm labor! But it's a nice feeling :-)

I've decided to treat myself as a reward for making it this far, after exactly 100 days on bedrest. I am going to have a wax! Don't laugh. And don't pull that face either. You have no idea what it feels like to see my body go to waste. When you spend more than a quarter of a year on bedrest, your body image and self-esteem takes a blow. The only areas of my body that I can take care of are my face, my hands and to some extend, my belly (not stretch marks so far, yay!). I give myself mini-manucures once a week and do tons of these awesome Japanese sheet-masks that make you look like a ghost but leave you with the softest skin. Everything below my belly has not been given any TLC for a while, since I cannot reach it anymore. So today, super hubby is driving me to the nearby day spa and will pick me up when I've said my goodbyes to my hairy self. Now if only I could also manage to go to the hairdresser and have a pedicure...

Cold, insomnia & bedrest

I'm very cranky these days: I've got a cold and I cannot sleep anymore.

See, the thing about being ill and insomniac while pregnant, is that there is not much you can do about it. Most medication is not suitable for pregnant women.
I googled "cold during pregnancy" and this is what came up:

- Drink lots of water: no kiddin'... not only am I drinking about 2L water a day (that's half a gallon, my American friends)
- Drink tea with honey and lemon: I've had so much of this, I'm sick of it and it's not working.
- Put a humidifier in your room: I live in Hong Kong, it's like living in a giant humidifier.
- Rest a lot: hello? What do you think I'm doing all day long?

So I called my OB's office to know what more I could do, and the nurse cheerfully told me to drink lots of water and rest a lot. I controlled my crazy pregnant self instead of shouting abuse to her, and calmly told her that I was already on bedrest and if I drank any more water, I'd become liquid myself. And oh miracle, she said I could take Panadol and Strepsil! Hallelujah. You should have seen the smile on my face when my housekeeper came back from the pharmacy with the goodies.

That leaves only one problem to solve: insomnia. Another quick googling informed me that 78% of pregnant women suffer from insomnia. While I appreciate that misery loves company, that fact is not going to help me sleep. I wake up every night at 5am, then cannot go back to sleep until about 7am. And since I am not a napper, I spend my days in a sleep deprived state. Which is not helping with the above mentioned cold. Some might argue that it's a good thing, that my body is preparing me for motherhood. Thank you, body, but I'd rather stock up on sleep while I can. My middle-of-the-night googling kindly informed me of what I could do:

- Drink a cup of hot milk: that sounds very nice, but how do I get my hot milk, when it's 5am, that hubby is on business trip and that I'm alone in the house? Huh? How do you suppose I do that?
- Sleep in a recliner: the only way I am allowed to spend my life - ok, the next 3 months - is horizontally.
- Get up and do something else, such as reading a book, listening to some music, etc.: my problem begins at "get up".

How I long for the days of medication and sleeping pills. I hate bedrest.

One year

Yesterday was the twins' first birthday. I got so stressed about it in the days leading up to it that I was having constant Braxton-Hicks contractions. Luckily, they were not changing my bum cervix, but they're not nice to have either. If you've ever tried them, they feel like someone is doing abs for you: your whole abdomen gets tights and you get slightly out of breath. Try doing that once every 8 minutes!
The waterworks started on the eve of their birthday. I didn't want it to be already a year. It feels like a lifetime ago, yet it seems like it was yesterday. I can't believe I'm still standing and that my marriage is stronger than ever. I never thought i could live without them, yet here I am. My babies have shown me so many beautiful things in this world, through my tears. They are the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. The grief is still there, lurking in the background. I know it will never go away, but I know how to let it wash over me when it comes. Their Dad and I think of them every day. We miss them every minute of our lives and they are a part of us forever. But they have sent us a new life, kicking and swooshing inside me (yes, babies swoosh) and this gives us hope. There might be a future after all...

On the medical side, things are absolutely great. Wait, is that going to jinx it? Ok, let's say things are good, so far - knock on wood. Mr. Cervix is behaving, at 3.8cm despite this week's contractions and guess what Dr. G. said?! When I asked him how often he wanted to see me from now on, he replied that he would see me every week until 38 weeks. He actually thinks I can get to 38 weeks!!! Wooohoooo! Oh, and things get better: he already told me that I would be off bedrest at 34 weeks, in just 8 weeks. Thank God for that, because my veins are popping on my hips, my back is killing me and my legs are hurting all the time. The usual joys of bedrest. Really need to get that massage this week or come 34 weeks, I won't even be able to stand up anymore.