More than a year later

I am probably the worst blogger ever. There is more than a year gap since the last entry! In my defence, a lot of things have happened in the past year. We have moved countries twice, changed jobs, travelled the world, only to come back in Hong Kong where we belong. Little J is no longer a baby, but a little boy who wants to do everything by himself and is just a joy to mother day after day. I know every parents says this about their kids, and we all mean it. He is the light of our lives and makes all the trouble and bedrest so worthwile.

Enough gloating about my perfect son. Back to business. I am either really insane or suffering from amnesia because we are ready to try for another sunshine to light up our lives even more. How I will manage 6 months of bedrest with a toddler, I do not know. I haven't figured it out yet. All I can think about right now is how a newborn smells sooo good, how their tiny hands wrap around your finger and won't let go, and how it feels to have a baby you can cuddle non-stop as opposed to an 18 months old who is too busy pretending that a door stop is a truck. Hubby looked at me strangeley while I whipped up all my romantic memories from bedrest, trips to the hospital, fears, blood tests and IVF. But here we are, or rather, here I am, poking myself with needles daily and being so loaded up with hormones that I make Godzilla look like a fluffy puppy. I'll keep you posted...

24 weeks

Quick update: I finally managed to see my dear Dr. G. and all seems to be going well. I was complaining about all the aches and pains that come with strict bedrest and he started showing me all the exercises I could do when I got up to go to the bathroom. Hilarious to see this little Indian man wiggling his hips and standing on the tip of his toes! Oh, and I have the right to...wait for it...have a massage at home!! It may sound completely trivial to you, but to me, it sounds like Heaven. Aaaah, to have someone rub my back and my legs... Wait, does that mean I have to shave now? Right, first task will then be to find someone who can help me with that. Anyone?

When I got home, my dog was super excited to see me in a vertical position. She quickly put on a very annoyed, yet resigned look when I layed back on my daybed. She must think I'm the laziest human being ever.
Before my bedrest, she would tap at the door if she wanted/needed to go out. Then when I started laying on the couch all day, she would be very confused that I didn't react to her tapping. Now the poor thing walk to the door, looks at me, sighs, then goes back to her basket. I'm trying not to take it personally that my dog thinks I'm a looser.

About me

In January 2009, I was 21 weeks pregnant with twins. A boy and a girl. It was my first pregnancy, I was young, I was healthy and everything was going well. Right after New Year's, I went in for a routine check-up and was immediately put on strict hospital bedrest: I had a severe case of cervical incompetence and was about to lose the pregnancy. The doctors performed an emergency cerclage the day after. Basically, it's a stitch sewn around the cervix to prevent it from opening prematurely. It is usually performed much earlier in the pregnancy, before any changes occur in the cervix. Done this late in the pregnancy, the risk of infection is much higher.

After a month in the hospital, an infection made its way in the placentas. I went into labor and there was nothing to do to stop it. At 25 weeks, my babies were actually in the viability zone. But the infection was too much for them to fight: my daughter died after only 30 minutes and my son left us after 2 days in the NICU.

We were shattered, heart-broken and devastated. After much grieving, counselling, crying, doctor-shopping and talking, I got pregnant again. This time, we know what we are up against and although it is very scary, we are trying to keep the faith.

My cerclage was done at 14 weeks, and I was then immediately placed on full bedrest. I have the right to go from the couch to the bedroom, take one shower a day (sitting on a stool, like my GrandMa) and go to the bathroom. Other than that, I have to lay on my side. I have been doing this for nearly 10 weeks now, and I'm pleased to say that things are going well. My OB is happy and I am happy he's happy. I will be 24 weeks in 2 days, entering the viability zone.

This blog is about my journey through cervical incompetence, cerclage, grief, bedrest and hope.